When you are in Love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. – Dr. Seuss
What does that mean?
I imagine most of us have been there at some point in our lives. They walk in, and the world simply stops. No one else exists. Not one thing is more important than they are. They are the entire focus of your world.
In my view, that is what this quote is about. Where reality is so great, so wonderful, that even your dreams pale by comparison. That’s a wonderful place to be, and Love is a great thing in which to find yourself. It never seems to last long enough, but the feeling is grand!
This is an emotional state that some pursue, and abandon their partner as soon as the feeling fades. While the quote doesn’t address that point, I believe it is short sighted. All intense emotional states are, by definition it seems, temporary.
Why is staying in love important?
It is easy enough to fall in love when you aren’t expecting it. The only real question is will you stay there, or will you move on? That depends on the relationship you have with your partner. When they cease to love you, or you cease loving them, it’s probably over.
Yet some stay in love even longer. Some out of dedication, others out of desperation. I suspect that there are as many reasons as there are lovers. But, for those who remain in love, they are holding on to something. And sometimes they can rekindle that spark in their partner.
It isn’t always easy to do, but I’ve done it before, and I believe it’s worth the effort. Just remember that there are lines which must not be crossed, and they will differ for everyone. Don’t stay when love has gone and abuse is all that remains, right?
Where can I apply this in my life?
But what does it take to actually break a loving relationship? That will depend on each individual. Because, well, love is complicated. Do you fall out of love because of a fight or a disagreement? I suppose it depends on the topic, and the intensity, as well as the people involved.
Have you ever considered what it would take to end a relationship? Have you ever considered what lines you have, the lines which must not be crossed? What is your point of no return, when will they have crossed the Rubicon? Until you know this, how will you know when it is time to leave?
Not everyone needs this knowledge, but it is useful to know. After my divorce from my first wife, I spent some time listing all the good things and all the bad things that had happened. I listed what I wanted, and what I would not tolerate.
These lists gave me great clarity in my future relationships. By knowing what I wouldn’t tolerate, I could work such a scenario into a conversation early on and get an answer before I invested too much time in a relationship which was doomed to failure.
You can do the same as well, but only if you know. I would urge you to take a few moments and grab some paper. Write down what you want in a lover. Write down what you require in a lover. Write down what you do not want in a lover. And write down what you will not tolerate in a lover.
Use prior relationships to help guide you in this process. Understand that you have changed and grown in the time since those earlier relationships, so your attitudes from then might not be exactly what they are now. But they can help guide you in forming your template for the ideal partner.
Once you have these lists, how do you want to use them? I tried to be subtle and work questions and ideas into conversations early on in the relationship. Some questions are a bit harder to ask casually. I don’t have the tact to ask “What do you think of having more than one lover at the same time?” I can’t imagine that ever ending well for me. 8)
The point of the exercise is to examine your needs, your beliefs, and your desires. If you don’t know what they are, you’re like a person stumbling around in the dark, in an unfamiliar room. Now, you’re that same person, but at least you have a small flashlight to help guide you, and that’s something, right?
The only other thought I have on this topic is to never take the other person for granted. They have their own needs and their own lines which you must not cross. For me, the way I stay in love, the way I keep my daylight hours as good or better than my dreams is to remember that they are a precious gift given to me, and to treat them as such.